This phrase will have different answers from different persons, from the same people at different times of their lives and sometimes different times of the day. Well, I have had some realisations over the past weeks and they are far too many to write in one entry.
It has been months again since I last wrote and I am faulting myself for not having the energy to write despite the fact I usually carry my laptop around even when I do not have an internet connection.
Spent a very peaceful holiday season in Anilao. Mostly windsurfing, diving, reading, listening to music and mixing them, AND eating... there goes my gym fees, transformed into excess baggage on my body. Hell, what could I do? Lived the good life for two weeks and of course atonement should come sooner than later. I have to blame Margaret for bringing enough food for a whole battalion for Christmas and New Year!
Returned yesterday to this forsaken city called Manila. Woke up this morning in my city bed and realised how surreal it seems to be in Anilao yesterday then Bangkok tonight... *sigh* I'll go back to Anilao any time.
Went to Bed before the long break and wrote something about that experience below. I do not like unguarded moments yet they sometimes bring out the best in us :)
Happy new year (belatedly but mean it!).
Permanence I walk through this maze of sweaty bodies, empty stares and the incoherent sounds of people chatting. The thumpa-thumpa of what the club culture calls dance music these days serves as an idyllic backdrop to this place overloading with testosterone. As I look around, feeling drawn to the superficial and fleeting escape from the realities of the day, a part of me aches for something or even someone I know. Even a fleeting sense of familiarity beyond superficiality would be welcome. Tonight is not one of those nights I could ignore what most people in this world longs for. Despite the gyrating bodies, the meaningful and assessing stares everyone else is engaged in giving one another, I come to the realization once again that I can not runaway from a much deeper need.